


Finding myself

by Princess_Kopyytko



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Alec Lightwood, Asexual Character, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, Happy pride month, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24570133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess_Kopyytko/pseuds/Princess_Kopyytko
Summary: Hi, so this is my story. Me and my exes and my way to find out who I am. Unlike Alec, I don't have a partner and don't want to. Alec's conversation with Izzy is written according to the interviews, which I conducted myself with myself, because unlike Alec, I'm still in the closet.If someone had  a question, either about asexuality or anything else don't be shy to ask. I am happy to answer anything.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Original Male Character(s), Alec Lightwood/Real Sebastian Verlac, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Finding myself

Alec was closed an introvert and not even had many friends, unless you count his family. When he was 16 he figured out that he likes guys. To his surprise his family was incredibly supportive. Alec on the internet began to write with the same old boy named Sebastian. When Sebastian offered a meeting, Alec began to panic. But at the same time he looking forward to it. According to the pictures looked like Sebastian as a nice guy.

When Alec waited for Sebastian, he felt nervous. Izzy tell him ,before he leaves, that everything will be fine. From the metro stepped a blond man and when he noticed the tall, dark-haired young man, headed toward him. "Alec?" He asked with a smile. "Yeah," Alec nodded. "You're Sebastian." "Yes, I´m," he nodded. "So shall we go?"

They are walking through Central Park, then Sebastian walked Alec home. "Don´t you want to go upstairs before you go?" Alec offered to Sebastian. "Okay," nodded Sebastian. Alec took him to his room. "I really enjoyed today," Sebastian sat down on the bed. "Me too," Alec nodded. "You're really amazing guy," smiled Sebastian, and pressed his lips on Alec´s. He began to kiss him back. Sebastian pulled his hands under the shirt and he wanted to drag it across the head. "What are you doing?!" yelled Alec. "I'm sorry," Sebastian apologized to him. "I didn't mean to...," "It's the first date!" Alec interrupted him. "I know," nodded Sebastian. "I'm not going to push you." Alec nodded.

Their relationship didn't last. Alec and Sebastian after half a year broke up when Sebastian cheated on Alec. Sebastian confessed it and begged Alec for a second chance. Alec gave it to him, but the disturbed confidence also meant an early end. Alec it eventually ended.

In nineteen Alec met with Paul. There it ended before it even enough to start something. They had a lot in common. Alec liked him, but Paul wanted to be just a friend. So Alec gave up his hope.

Relationship with Joe was different. Joe liked Alec and Alec felt the same. It lasted about four months. Joe right before Alec began to flirt with another classmate. If Alec supported the violence he probably would punch Joe. Instead Alec turned on his heels and left with a broken heart.

He promised himself that he never go out with anyone. "Alec, what happened?" asked Izzy. "It didn't work out again?" Alec shook his head. "You were so happy."

"Tell me, what's wrong?" Alec sat into a lotus position. "Is it me?" "No," she shook her head. "You're an amazing young man. Loving, caring. They...They don't know what they've lost.“ "Or is it because I didn't slept with them?" asked Alec. "You're not slept with them?" She picked up eyebrow. Alec shook his head. "I thought it was in sixteen soon with Sebastian, with Paul we did not even kissed. And Joe, from the beginning it was fine, then I felt nothing. So I'm actually glad he's gone.“

"Can I ask you something?" Izzy asked him. Alec nodded. "When someone talking about sex....What do you feel?“ Alec bit his lip and lowered his eyes. "Nothing," he answered quietly. "These debates don't interest me. And sometimes it makes me uncomfortable...Like when Jace depicts with how many girls he slept.“ "Alec, Alec," she smiled. "Nothing is wrong with you .....You're just asexual.“ "I'm what?" He asked. Izzy took on her lap, his laptop, and something wrote into a search engine. "Sound familiar?" She pushed laptop to him. Alec after a moment he lifted his eyes from the monitor and nodded. "I know this is new for you and that you need time. But we're here for you, okay?" Alec nodded. "Thank you."

With the support of the family. Actually he enjoying life as a single, he doing what he loved. It filled him, more than a relationship with someone. When he finished school he began work in the library. One day he picked up Izzy in her work. And tall asian guy turned after him with admiration.

"Isabelle, who was that young man, who picked you up yesterday?" Interested Magnus. Izzy smiled. "It was Alec. My brother.“

"Could you introduce us?" Interested Magnus. "I can do that," nodded Izzy. Alec will kill me!

Alec wanted Izzy to strangle when she introduces him to her colleague Magnus. Not that Alec didn't like Magnus. He likes him. But Alec was disappointed with guys so many times, that he didn´t want risked again. Didn't even know why he agreed to go with Magnus on a date.

The date went better than Alec imagined. He had so much fun with Magnus. After dinner, Magnus proposed to Alec, that he accompany him. "I'm home," Alec say goodbye to Magnus. "Thank you for a nice evening." "I thank you, Alexander," smiled Magnus. "I enjoyed it very much." "Me too," Alec nodded . "Can I kiss you, Alexander?" Alec bit his lip and nodded. The next moment he felt Magnus' lips on his.

"Izzy, I can't do this,"Alec fell on the bed in Izzy´s room. "Is there a problem?" She raised her eyebrows. "You know very well what," he jerked his shoulders. "That a date failed?" She asked. "The date was fine," he replied and sat down. "So what's this about?" "It's fine now. But what happens when he finds out that I can't give him what he wanted?“ Alec bent his head. "Because you know I can't."

"How do you know that Magnus throws you overboard? Sebastian and Joe never did it.“ "They didn't know that I'm asexual. And ended it as well.“ "So go and talk to Magnus. Explain it to him.“

Can we talk? A. Alec sent a message. After two days of disturbing silence? All right. You can come. M. In text was address. Alec looked at Izzy. She looks into the phone. "Just get out of here. What are you waiting for?“

"Nothing."

Alec ran out to the floor, where Magnus lived, and knocked. After a moment the door opened, and in them stood Magnus. "Hi," Alec smiled nervously. "Come in," Magnus loosened way. "I..um....I want to apologize that I ignored you.“

"I accept the apology, but I still don't understand why you did it. I thought that we were fine together.“

"Yeah we were," Alec shot a look everywhere, just not at Magnus. "So what's the problem?"

"I...I...um...I'm...Asexual." Magnus was silent. "I..I Get it, I'll go. You're not the first.“ Alec turned to leave. "Alexander, wait!" Called Magnus. Alec took hand off the doorknob and turned to Magnus.

"Maybe I don't know about those who let you down before me. But I'm not like that. I care about you. I don't mind if we don't have sex. I would never have to not force you into anything you didn't want to.“ Alec smiled and stepped away from the door. "Really?" "Really," nodded Magnus. "By the way, we kissed...."

"Kissing doesn't bother me." Alec stepped from foot to foot. "I should probably go. I'll call you.“

"Don't be silly, where would you go? You can stay here. I'll prepare you bed and I´ll sleep on the couch. As well, we should talk about this properly. I have a lot of questions.“

"I'll answer you anything."

"But it can wait."

The next day after breakfast they went for a walk to Central Park. Magnus twined his fingers with Alec´s fingers. Alec looked at their joined hands and smiled. "Is this okay?" Magnus asked a little apprehensively. "Absolutely," Alec nodded.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so this is my story. Me and my exes and my way to find out who I am. Unlike Alec, I don't have a partner and don't want to. Alec's conversation with Izzy is written according to the interviews, which I conducted myself with myself, because unlike Alec, I'm still in the closet. 
> 
> If someone had a question, either about asexuality or anything else don't be shy to ask. I am happy to answer anything.


End file.
